I dont really know how to begin this post. I tend to skip blogging about the hard things altogether because I never have the right words to show how I really feel. I dont want people to make assumptions on my feelings due to my inability to convey them.
I may regret posting this but it seems that one by one people are finding out and due to the nature of our lives people think themselves privledged to ask what they may. (more to come on that later)
On Saturday night I miscarried our baby at 8 weeks. We were due in February. I decided on a natural miscarriage (ironically I dont believe in natural births...but thats another story). I saw the placenta and umbilical cord which was very long and took me by surprise. I decided not to look in the sac to see my baby.
Yes we are heartbroken, yes this was a medical miracle and yes we found out we were pregnant the day before we paid our adoption fee. Thus everything with our adoption process is on hold.
This is all we want to share, hint hint, which brings me to my point. I hope this doesnt come out rash and please do not take this too personal if you fall into this category (which is most people). When you have been told information by us about our infertility, treatments, adoption or none of the above this does not give you the right to keep asking questions. Ever. For example, we shared with family and close friends our decision to try IVF. When it didnt work, we informed everyone about that. But for some reason, people couldnt stop asking questions like, why didnt it work? what will you do now? when will you use your frozen embryos? my co-workers friend did IVF 3 times and it worked...you get my point. We will tell you things when there are things to be told. End of story. And we do not want to hear your friends uncles daughters story about infertility or adoption. For this reason we have stopped sharing so much. Everyone was shocked to find out we used our frozen embryos without telling anyone, well frankly, we told you about IVF and you blew it so we decided to keep this one private. I might also add that none of you inform us when you are trying to get pregnant, but I wish you would so I could call you every month and ask if it worked and drive you crazy!
So let me say this one more time in regards to the adoption process, we will tell you when there is something for us to tell you! Now you all are laughing thinking that other people are doing this, but really, its probably you too, because everyone asks us if weve finished the adoption papers everytime they talk to us. Seriously.
Now, with that said, I know that you all do this because you care about us, and we are grateful for you. Really we are. We realize people dont always know what to say or do, and that is why I finally wrote this post. Now you all know what to say-nothing, unless we bring it up. Now I dont want everyone to stop talking to us due to fear of upsetting us. We would love to hear from you, and you are welcome to talk to us about things we have already shared with you, but please dont bug us about what we will do next. We know that this is in the Lords hands and we are thrilled with that. We know He will bring children to us somehow, someday. But as you can imagine, most people dont have to share the intimate details of thier family with everyone and yet we feel we are expected to.
